Saturday, July 21, 2012

Finding Your Grief Path

This year has seen tragedy upon tragedy. Whether it be in our personal lives or on a national and international level, we have all had our share of horrific events.  We may feel like we want to give up or toss in that white flag. 

I wanted to start Blankets for Brianna to help myself through the grieving process of losing my only child and also to bring comfort and peace to other families during their similar trials.  After Brianna was born, I started to attend a support group called Compassionate Friends.  This group is for any child loss whether just born, or adults.  This weekend after attending the services of my dear friend, Dominc, I had the opportunity to attend their National Conference in Costa Mesa.  I learned alot, and can't wait til next year in Boston.

I felt it was appropriate to share some of the pointers I learned with you, as I know many of my friends are grieving. Many of us, may not have experience with these types of feelings, so I pray that what I took from the conference helps you all too.

*In loving memory of*
Brianna 01/13/2012

And Dominic

  • Try not to focus on your loved one's death.  Their death is a short time of their whole life. Try to focus on the positive and good memories.  (In this workshop, I shared that Joe used to always do this funny dance with my pregnant belly... He was dancing with his daughter. We don't have many memories since we had just a short time with her, but there are some and we need to focus on those).  If you can be positive, it balances out the grief.
  • The relationship with your loved one continues after death. Do not let their passing be the end. They are still alive even if not on earth. And love remains.
  • Emotions are only negative if you hold them in.  Let the grief pass through you.  Cry... if you are a male or female. It takes courage to deal with grief.
  • Just because you do not feel your loved on near you, doesn't mean they aren't.
  • Grief is internal, mourning is external.
  • Grieving is inevitable, misery is not.
  • Let go of the pain, but do not let go of the love.
  • Grief is a journey, not a singular event. How are you going through your journey?
Whether your loved one was 1 day old or 100 years old... whether this happened 9 days ago or 9 years ago... You are all going through a path and journey. 

Thank you again to all the friends and family who have stuck with me through my journey, especially my husband Joe.  He is everything I could want in a husband and lets me grieve in the way I need.  Also, thank you to the new friends I have met through Blankets for Brianna and through other support groups and bereaved parents.  I hope that I uplift you as you all uplift me.

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